I remember spankings, or as we called them, beatings.
Those who cyan hear, will feel.
It wasn’t until I was older that I realized what the American word, “beating” really meant. For Americans, it brings up images of the civil rights movement, women with black eyes, and children with broken arms. For me, it was just a spanking. No bruises, no extension cords, just a physical reminder that whatever I was doing, or did, was not to be repeated.
We laugh about it now, but back then, I did what all kids fresh off of a spanking did – secretly prayed that one or both of my parents would be run over by elephants. True story.
I won’t go into all the insanity that we did to earn those beatings spankings, but when I think back on them, I don’t feel hurt or abused. It was what it was. I had friends who never ever got spankings. I’m pretty sure they turned out alright too.
My mom, the same mom who could fling a pot spoon or slipper like a ninja, told a newish Caribbean mom who asked her when the beatings should start, responded that “for some children, they never do.” I’m not sure if that was the pediatrician, the enlightened parent, or the softer gentler grandparent talking, but it really is true. Each child is different. Each parent is different.
I tiyahd talkin’ to alyuh.
I talk to my kids a lot more than my parents talked to me when it comes to discipline. I think so much so that sometimes they’d rather get a spanking and get it over with. My mom sits, watches, and smiles. Truth is, times have changed. I spent a ton of time outside, running, jumping, making mischief, and tearing up things. Today’s kids can be calmed with an iPad. I had very little TV, five channels including two public television stations (then eventually FOX came along), so I had plenty of time to come up with beating spanking-worthy crimes to commit.
At the end of the day, we all want the same thing – respectful, honest, decent children. That’s all we want.
I keep my opinions on spanking to myself for the most part, because if you are here – you obviously care about your children and your family. From time to time I check to see what search terms people type into Google to find me. Usually it is “Disney World Packing List”, “Homeschool vs. Traditional School”, or “Caribbean Culture for Kids” – so you are here for the extras, not the just basics. Loving, concerned parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, stop by here for information that is for the enrichment of their family lives. Now do parents who profess to love their kids abuse them? I am sure it happens.
Image Credit: Target.com OXO wooden spoon
These days, our children of privilege are learning that you can’t always get everything you want, despite what you have been told – and without discipline, respect for authority, and common decency, you won’t even come close.
Bottom line, you don’t need me to tell you what’s right or wrong when it comes to how you discipline your children. Get to know your kid, establish the parenting style that fits the atmosphere and values in your home, and then go with it. Whatever you decide to do when it comes to discipline – please, do something. Just the other day, I saw a teenage girl yelling at her grandfather as he walked behind her. It wasn’t until I made eye contact with him that he said something to her about how she was speaking to him, but by then the damage was done. He was already ashamed for himself and for her. I know he wished he or the girl’s parents had done something earlier.
(A lighthearted look at immigrant families and discipline from Russell Peters – headphones may be necessary if kids are in the room)
Do you think that spanking is an outdated method of parenting in the Caribbean community? Do you question the efficacy of physical forms of punishment? Have you adopted more “American” ways of discipline when your children are out of line? Do you feel the shift from Caribbean parenting to Caribbean American parenting is producing a generation with a lower level of respect or children with a kinder approach to relationships?
