The story goes that I was my mom’s fourth pregnancy. She was thirty-one years old and said she thought she had the flu. Her OB/GYN, who was also her professor at Howard University School of Medicine, told her that her flu would be here in nine months. He also told her that he had no idea where I could have implanted and how I could have survived in her womb, given the number and size of her fibroids.
Even though my mother was very open about her fibroids and pregnancy losses, I never really thought about my fertility until my miscarriage, which happened after I had already had three healthy children. I had my first child at twenty-three, and my last at thirty. My last pregnancy was at thirty-four.
My peers, friends, and classmates are all in their late thirties and early to mid-forties. Many have put off starting a family for education and career, are just now having children, or are trying to have children. I didn’t know anything about infertility beyond what my mom told me about her experiences. When I shared my miscarriage experience, several people sent me messages thanking me for sharing my story, and in turn, shared theirs. It is such an important conversation to have, especially for women of color.
Related: Once Upon a Time, There Were Four
I live-tweeted from an event presented by Antiguan American physician, Dr. Renee Matthews, and Tobagonian physician and REI (reproductive endocrinology and fertility specialist – of which less than 2% are black), Dr. Cindy M. Duke in Chicago this week. Check out these tweets, and click on them to continue the conversation on Twitter. Make sure to tag @socamomdc, @drcindyduke, and @askdrrenee, and use the hashtag #anintimateconversation.
Learn more about Dr. Cindy M. Duke, M.D., Ph.D., FACOG at DrCindyDuke.com, where you can subscribe to her newsletter, read her blog, and listen to her podcast.
“Women of color have lower take home baby rates than white women when it comes to fertility treatments because the care is not tailored to us.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“It’s hard to walk into a fertility clinic and not see anyone who looks like you. It isn’t required, but it helps.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Are you a twin? What are your chances of having twins?
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“We know the chances of twins are higher in families, but with in vitro the chances are higher.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #anintimateconversation #fertility #infertility #invitro
“We recommend one at a time. The more babies, the more complications and the less chance you will go full term.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“We know black women often have more complications with pregnancy and care, so I encourage patients to have just one.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Main question to ask the clinic when you freeze eggs is, “have any of your frozen eggs yielded babies?”
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
You want some assurance.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
Lemme tell you when I heard that you are born with all the eggs you’re gonna get??? I almost lost it. That means that by 40, you only have 3% left. Freezing eggs stops the clock.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“By 30 or 35 you should be ACTIVELY thinking about freezing your eggs.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“The older we are, the more eggs you need to freeze to yield a take home baby. [After 40] you may need up to 18 eggs to yield one take home baby. Not every egg that is frozen will yield a take home baby.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversa
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“Anybody can freeze an egg. Not every clinic knows how to thaw eggs properly to yield a baby.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
In vitro success rates and babies yielded from frozen eggs numbers are different. Ask for both numbers.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
$500 a year to store eggs breaks down to about 3 trips to Starbucks a week.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
If you had chemotherapy or cancer treatments in your teens or as a young woman, you may enter menopause by your thirties, so you should be thinking about having your eggs frozen ASAP.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
I am having a moment.
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Everybody should know this. Women of color are pursuing education at an amazing rate and want to be ready to start families when we feel comfortable with our income and education. We HAVE to know this so that we can make informed decisions. #fertility
15 states have mandates that fertility treatments are covered by employer provided insurance.
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Average ages for undergoing IVF..
White women: 33
Asian women: 38
Black women: 40@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
No one talks to black women about infertility. The stereotype is that we can’t stop having babies. But we are having babies later, more stressed, educated, working, AND fibroids, diabetes, high blood pressure… so let’s change this conversation.
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Whew.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility
“Patients come in with so much guilt because of that abortion they had and they feel that that is the reason they can’t have babies now, and that is simply not true.”@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Go to https://t.co/Eb5OyWHBUn for info in clinic success rates and to find doctors look for “take home baby rate.”@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Black women have higher rates of miscarriage and lower success rates for IVF. We have larger fibroids and more untreated diabetes, high blood pressure. We treat those and we can get more accurate numbers.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Have you heard of “#eggcations?”
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Groups of girlfriends go on vacations and get eggs frozen overseas.
BUUUUUTTTTT…. keep in mind my earlier tweets. Ask the questions…@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
Do they have a high take home baby rate?
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
How long have they been in operation?
People usually wait 5 years to use eggs, will that clinic be around? Will they keep up the technology?
Don’t just do it for the gram.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
Companies like @Starbucks, @Google, @facebook etc. have #fertility treatment coverage and they are getting highly motivated employees so….. employers…. think about it.@DrCindyMDuke #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Always ask… “how many mature eggs did you freeze” not just how many total eggs they harvested. If they don’t tell you, you must ask so that you can be confident about your chances to produce a take home baby.@DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Why am I tweeting about #fertility and attending an event like this if I am not planning on having more children?
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Most of my friends have infants or are ready to have kids now. I am 43. My people and those who are considering children in the back of their minds need to know this.
My kids are 20, 14, and 13. I want to be able to share the info with people who are thinking about having children at any point. I want my daughter to know her options. So I’m here. #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation with @DrCindyMDuke
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“There’s no one birth control that LEADS to infertility. It may take six months to a year for you to ovulate if you stop shots or pills because your brain and body has to adjust.” @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #infertility #anintimateconversation pic.twitter.com/g36RDQz1qt
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Two or more miscarriages in your lifetime is known as “recurring pregnancy loss.” Don’t have to be back to back. Patients usually show up at my door after 6, 7, or 8. It is a subset of #infertility. That takes an emotional toll. @DrCindyMDuke #fertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
“Number one reason patients discontinue #fertility treatment is not finances… it is stress.” ~ @DrCindyMDuke #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
My Trinidadian mom was up front with me about her miscarriages and fibroids. I think that changed how I thought about family planning. She started trying during med school. The stress… we know now that stress can contribute to #infertility. @DrCindyMDuke #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
This conversation with @DrCindyMDuke. Whew. #infertility #anintimateconversation #fertility pic.twitter.com/B6gLekuKHQ
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Infertility feels the same way in that moment whether you have a basketball team of kids or you have none. Don’t feel ashamed “greedy” for getting help with #fertility.@DrCindyMDuke #infertility #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Oh and guys get checked out too, it’s not all on us. Taking supplements for your workouts? It can lower your sperm count and quality. Even if you took them in your youth. It can affect you in your 40’s. #Fertility treatments are for men too.@DrCindyMDuke #anintimateconversation
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Babies from IVF are not more likely to have birth defects. @DrCindyMDuke #anintimateconversation #fertility #infertility
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
Next time @DrCindyMDuke is speaking near you… be there. Live tweeting is done for the night. Love you guys.
— Eva Wilson/SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) October 24, 2019
You can also check out @JAYBLESSED‘s podcast episode with #DrCindy for more info.
Lemme get back to this shrimp and open bar. Love you guys. Thank you @AskDrRenee ❤