Need some background? Read my post: It Ain’t the Cosby Show
Photo by Eva Wilson for Socamom.com – Yes… I really did see this on a trip to the playground with the kids.
My boy wants to be average. To a child of Caribbean immigrants – not okay. I don’t understand it. For most of us who are first generation Caribbean Americans, we have been taught that just to appear average, you have to be ABOVE average. To be considered above average, you have to be exceptional. To be seen as exceptional, you have to be more talented than anyone else in the running. My boy tells me he wants to be regular, and I just don’t get it.
The problem for me is – he’s not regular. He can look at a picture, and draw it with stunning precision. He reads a book, and can repeat what he read to you almost word for word. He was performing at a post high school level on standardized tests when it came to anything that had to do with the humanities. He has a crazy knowledge of animals, and can look at two animals that look identical to me, and tell me why they are two totally different animals and why.
From the Cosby Show:
Theo: You’re a doctor and Mom’s a lawyer, and you’re both successful in everything and that’s great! But maybe I was born to be a regular person and have a regular life. If you weren’t a doctor, I wouldn’t love you less, because you’re my dad. So rather than feeling disappointed because I’m not like you, maybe you should accept who I am and love me anyway, because I’m your son.
Cliff: Theo… that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D’s in everything! You’re afraid to try because you’re afraid your brain is going to explode and it’s going to ooze out of your ears. Now I’m telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you’re going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you into this world, and I’ll take you out!
I could really relate to Theo when I was younger. Not about bringing home a D – that wouldn’t have worked out. With my mom being a doctor, and my dad a lawyer, everyone’s expectations were very high for my brother and I. Great thing was, neither of my parents expected us to follow in their footsteps. They just expected us to be the best at whatever was to be our chosen field. If I chose to be a fisherman, I’d better be the best one. Not the best black one, not the best female one, the best one.
Now I relate to Cliff. I am pretty sure we have had this EXACT conversation.
When the boy’s math scores came up almost 2 grade levels behind, we figured – if you are good at something, you are probably not so hot at something else, so it was expected. Not okay, but expected. So he came home to be homeschooled and catch up. He caught up and then some from 5th grade math to testing into Algebra 1 – but it has been a constant battle. He doesn’t want to be special… but I know he is, and when he hides his talents by not doing his best… it almost brings me to tears just to type it.
I feel about him like most moms feel about their kids – my boy is awesome. What do you do when he doesn’t want to be awesome, he just wants to blend in? Here’s are three things I have resolved to do…
1. Resist the urge to choke him out. That is first and foremost. Even though my Caribbean upbringing encourages certain and swift “correction” when unacceptable attitude is detected – this new fangled American parenting frowns upon it. I guess I can go with that.
2. Pray. I don’t want him to be like the person who hid their talents under a rock. I have to pray that God reveals to him how truly special he is, and that his normal should be what God has intended for his normal to be, not what the world says is normal.
3. Share stories with him of people who made their own normal. If standing out is painful for him – that’s okay – It gets better. One of my favorite shows is Biography. I need to introduce him to that and start saving some episodes in the DVR.
As long as his normal is the same as God’s normal FOR HIM, that includes using the talents God gave him to contribute to his community and advance God’s plan, then being that kind of “regular people” is fine with me.
