I debated about posting this under “tips and advice” and decided to post under “general”.
I visit lots of “mommy blogs” about… well… mommy-ing, and often wonder if their lives are REALLY that perfect. Even when they stress how imperfect their lives and households are, call themselves “bad mommy” or “lazy mommy”, then whip up a batch of Pinterest worthy cupcakes, take pics of love notes from the kids (guilty), and then write a well organized book about their disorganized, chaotic life – complete with well thought out marketing plan and book tour schedule – they still seem perfect.
Baby girl took such care painting this leaf. I told her the paper plate was to catch the extra paint – she didn’t care. She stays inside lines and is careful. | Instagram
SocaMom was supposed to be perfect. You see, that’s the thing about being raised by Caribbean parents, eventually you take those expectations of perfection that were placed on you growing up, and you own them. You take them in… like puppies. They aren’t so bad at first – really they are adorable, endearing, and fascinating – just like puppies. Puppies grow up though. They grow into full grown dogs that, if they aren’t kept in check, will shit everywhere, mark everything, and cost you more than you ever imagined that they could. However, like that full grown dog, you still love your perfectionism – it is a part of you – you feed it, you love it, and you give it what it needs. They grow up, they live, they die, and you totally forget how much trouble they were, then you get one of those adorable suckers for your kids. I have a little me in my house right now, complete with fits and “nap therapy”. She takes perfectionism to a whole other level.
I love these kids. But yeah, most times their outfits aren’t awesome, and maybe a tad ill fitting? I dunno – they’re having fun so… | Instagram
Every time I go to my own website, I laugh a little. I look at that “Cosby-esque” image of my family, and wish it were real. It is funny how not real that picture is. I People are always asking me, “is that your family?” I laugh and say, “no – I rented them.” Some days, I really do feel like that is us. We dance, take pictures, have silly contests, sing, and perform for one another – laughing until we can’t breathe, catching our breath, and doing it all over again. That’s not us every day – but on SocaMom.com it is. Every single time I go to the site, there’s that family – still clean, still perfect, still smiling. As the years pass, I can’t remember much about that day other than how hard it was to get everyone on board to even take the picture. This Caribbean mom here? I had written out a list of each pose, decided who would be in each,determined what props would be needed, purchased the shirts, ironed the jeans, dusted off the shoes, harassed my husband for fresh haircuts for the boys, packed the props, and scheduled the shoot. Oh it was going to happen, and it was going to be perfect… and voila… it was. That was SocaMom.
Quirky, silly, serious, and anxious. She’s so much like me it’s scary. She says ‘apparently’ a whole lot too. Wonder where she got that from? | Instagram
You won’t see SocaMom for a while. SocaMom is perfect. She’s nice all the time, is relatively kind, smiles in photos with the same rehearsed tilt of the head, tries hard not to offend, and even harder to get it all right. For the next, well, a long while, you’ll be seeing Eva. She’s not always nice, is tired a lot, has kids who are far from perfect, tries to keep up with the cleaning – but can only manage the kitchen and bathroom most days.
Being SocaMom is hard. SocaMom is a part of me, but it isn’t all of me. I’m cranky. I like being alone a lot. The sound of people chewing can literally ruin my afternoon. I can be funny, but I’m not always fun. So you won’t see SocaMom for a while, because I need a minute. I’m not going to stop blogging, but you’ll probably see more posts about the harder side of being a Caribbean mom. I can’t give out great advice right now – cause I’m in the midst of getting my own life and family in order – but I can share with you how I get through it. Because that’s what it’s about right? Getting through it. Sometimes that is an accomplishment in itself right? Getting through it? Not over it… not under it… not around it… THROUGH it.
Resistance is futile. | Instagram
How do I resist the urge to choke the kids all the way out when they do something that I know would have resulted in my life flashing before my eyes when I was a kid? How do I get through the daily family issues (and there are fresh ones arriving daily like damb doughnuts and coffee) and still manage to get dinner on the table and kids in the bed? You aren’t the only one who cries when no one is watching, who carefully curates content on your Facebook page with only your greatest hits – like it’s SportsCenter or something, and feels like you don’t even know the people you live with anymore – including yourself.
It took a lot for me to post this pic on instagram. I only have lip gloss, my hair isn’t ‘finished’, and I don’t have my signature head tilt. Closest I’ll ever get to looking at a camera straight on and saying, ‘this is me.’ | Instagram
We’ll get through this though… the pressure to be perfect. Don’t worry, SocaMom.com is a place that people have grown to rely on for great content, tips, and advice, and I fully intend to continue to provide what I can – but some things, we’ll work through together. I’m going to keep working towards making that smiling family you see up there a reality – more often anyway. The kids will be bigger, the smiles will be brighter, and [hopefully] I’ll be a little thinner? A girl can dream.