empty chair and studio lights

OMG! Where Have You Been???

First of all – I’m okay. I didn’t disappear totally. I have been hanging out in our group on Facebook, the SocaMom’s Caribbean Cafe. After doing two virtual conferences in a row and speaking at a few, I think I was a little burned out. Not that the level of activity was more than I was used to, but ISSA WHOLE PANDEMIC.

The kids were going to be starting school at home – something I hadn’t planned on after I stopped homeschooling, and we hadn’t really been outdoors the whole summer. No summer vacations, no road trips – we had done nothing as a family to differentiate spring, from summer, from fall – and I was tired.

I loved everything about the SocaMom Summit. It was like a summer farewell of sorts to some of my favorite people before I retreated into everyday life inside. You would think as an introvert, I would LOVE the idea of quarantine or social distancing, but while I enjoy being by myself, I do like the freedom to actually go places – by myself. I enjoyed dropping off kids at school and coming back home to write and clean. I made myself my comfort eggs and drank my tea – occasionally sharing my handiwork on my Instagram stories.

empty chair and studio lights

One day, I found myself laying in bed, unable to move. I mean – I could move to do the urgent things, like go to the bathroom, and eat – but I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t upset. I was just… there. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for a few days, asking the kids and my husband periodically, “what’s wrong with me?” They didn’t seem particularly alarmed. I was generally happy and upbeat when the kids came in and flopped on the bed to talk about whatever they wanted to talk about. I didn’t feel what I used to recognize as depression. I wasn’t sad. I did get up to bathe. I washed my sheets. I scrolled Facebook and Twitter. But I wasn’t producing anything – nor did I want to.

That felt strange.

When you are a person who always feels the pull to produce, not doing so feels strange. Strange – but I can’t say it didn’t feel good. Maybe not even “good,” more like peaceful. I needed that peace to be able to manage the mini-breakdowns the kids would have in the coming months. They couldn’t see friends and family, and that was just too much some days. It was nice to not be distracted by a project when they needed a hug and a listening ear. My mind wasn’t wandering to a to do list. I didn’t have one. I was just there… maybe a better word is – present.

I am almost back to making mode. Almost.

The election has me avoiding social media, so I live in the little bubble of my Facebook groups and text chains with my friends. They have promised to let me know when to start binge-watching something new (I catch up on mindless TV while the kids are in class) or if a civil war breaks out. I may not be fully prepared for the demise of the United States, but I did get an Instant Pot/Air Fryer during this pandemic – so… there’s that. I’m thoroughly enjoying that.

I gave my daughter her SECOND pandemic haircut.

We got an ice cream maker. We made ice cream and tried to re-create just about every food we enjoyed before the pandemic, at home.

I will be sharing things again soon. My kids are doing most of the creating right now, and that’s fine with me. My middle son has a weekly photography project that we all participate in as a family, and my youngest has her vlog and school projects that she ropes us all into when she can.

I have a lot to catch up on here on the blog, and loads to tell you about what’s been going on the last three months. In the meantime, I am still active on the Socamom Facebook page, in the Facebook group, occasionally on Twitter, and in my Instagram stories. Typing that made me realize – I haven’t really been “gone,” have I?

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