It started with some drool.

Mr. Social could do no wrong with his big brother when he arrived.  He was perfect.  No amount of crying or pooping was a problem.  Then it happened.  He was holding him one day, and some drool got loose.  That was the first time we heard him tell Mr. Social not to do something.  As he wiped his hand off in slight disgust, I could see that was the beginning of the end of their perfect relationship.

Now that they share a room, there has been a whole lot of times that my Big One has had to tell my little one to stop doing something, not to touch something, or to just leave his stuff alone. Today was no different.

My teen teeters between being a kid and being a teenager. When the little one starts to beg for something, sometimes his teenager shows up, he feels empathetic, and he gives in.

So today, all the kids were trying to impress Grandma with their musical genius. There’s no shortage of instruments in our house, so she really did get a full concert.  The kids are really competitive, and Mr. Social wasn’t content with playing his steel pan for Grandma.  He needed more.  Long story a little shorter, Mr. Social one broke the Big One’s guitar string, trying to play it with his pan sticks. The big one had already told him that he couldn’t play it, but he insisted… resorting to begging, then whining.  The Big One gave in.  Mr. Social apologized through his tears.  He had to give up $3 of his own money to fix it, since he wasn’t playing it properly.  Mr. Social really likes his money, so he was pretty upset.

“It’s okay…” said the Big One. It wasn’t okay though.  Not to me.  Probably not to the Big One either.  Even though he had pretty much forgiven him even before he apologized, there had to be consequences.

At times Mr. Social would break the Big One’s things, we would kind of let it go, because if we went all crazy every time it happened, it would just be a constant one way stream of punishment – especially since it was so rare for the Big One to break something belonging to Mr. Social.

Being a big brother, sometimes, the Big One feels like he can’t win. Because of that, every now and then, I deliver that sweet, swift justice on behalf of the Big One.  Within 15 minutes, we were on our way to the music store.  On the way, I told Mr. Social that he has to treat other people’s things even more carefully than he treats his own, and that if he was going to beg the Big One to use his things, he would have to be responsible when he got them. I decided to sit in the car and let them go in the store and handle their business.

“Sorry,” whispered Mr. Social on the way home. He really meant it. I could tell because he didn’t mean for me to hear it.

“Apology accepted,” the Big One whispered back. He meant it.  I could tell because he didn’t answer back loudly to embarrass him.  He answered in the same tone of voice showing that it was something genuine and personal between the two of them.

That ability to apologize and forgive each other, and to treat each other’s property with respect will serve them well in their relationship with one another, as well as people they interact with in the future. Now that Mr. Social understands consequences – I spend a lot of time instilling those values.

How do you teach your little ones to respect other people’s property? Do you show them how to treat library books, or do you teach them to cover their school books? What is your method? What teachable moments have you used to teach values to your children?